=== Note: what follows is pure invention. I hope. And contradditemi ===
I forgot to live.
to do a job I hate just because I can pay a house that I do not like to worry about the others, to suffer from things I can not change.
I forgot I love the sound of rain, the wind, the sun.
Even I can see the sun over here.
To follow something that does not exist I left my land, my family, my friends (ah, true, I had no friends to leave) and I got for the fear of dying, that bites me every night before I fall asleep to disappear in the morning when I wake up tired and unhappy.
(statement) is just my selfishness.
(hypothesis) Maybe I made a mistake.
(conclusion / statement) I do not care what brought me here.
(pathetic sentence) I just want to be happy. === End ===
analysis
If it were only a few have said that I would have looked like my father, who always ran away from it all.
Besides what do you do with a father who has abandoned and forgotten you? You can blame him for everything. Even in your misery. (You should try: it is convenient)
And here I open a parenthesis to say to my dear uncle - he disappeared from the coward who is and always has been - that the dirty laundry I like to wash them in the yard, for all to see what it is dirty, but they also see that I do my best to clean them and I want to be honest and that the world well look at the honesty and how much it costs (someone calls it to be shits not fair, but I'm for freedom of opinion, you think what you want and it may be said)
Everything was going well until the non-existent father began to throb in my cerebellum out of it in my phone without a future (two, for the first pretended that he had the wrong person) and an e-mail when it was revealed the mystery: for 35 years has firmly believed that I was not his daughter, and clearly has not told me anything, because when the business turned bad was comfortable having someone who was listening because it would give the moon to make sure that I speak.
among other things, I think you do not write these things by mail, personally if I were to tell someone "You're not my daughter" 'd make at least looking in his eyes as I do.
But I do not deserve and I know (but awareness is not self-pity)
Moreover Neither I never bothered to inform him that I loved, hated, revered and cursed, for almost thirty years.
How long lost. All of them (and do not know what makes me angry to waste time!)
Yet even if the end has never been important one o'clock for the other, I felt as if I had fired a bazooka in the stomach. Desperate.
I felt empty, the last certainty that I had left, ended in nothing.
For a time it seemed to infinity I forgot to live, better to roll in the mud of a suffering that she no longer had any reason to exist. I lost my childhood and teenage years feeling sorry for himself (and this dear Eva IDIOTA! tell you from the depths of that heart beats in me snail smuzzo in the chest )....
Fighting against a child who told me that I had no father, because I believed strongly that it was not so .....
Fighting with my grandmother telling me "you're like your father!" each After that I was behaving badly, because I thought I did not want to be unique and be compared to a person who did not know ....
I fought for life against the windmills and now I'm without power, without weapons, without horse or anything you can give to my daughter, simply because I gave it all away, trying to find myself, trying to complete a puzzle that had all the pieces.
Not that I've lost, these pieces simply were not there: the puzzle was complete and I did not know.
Now I do not know who for years lied to me, who I have hidden something, who can I trust even now.
From now on I will write nonsense, since at least the ones I still have galore to say.
To celebrate the loss of reason, I invite everyone to a virtual tea. And I will also
cookies.
